Stop, Drop, and Roll

So this doesn't involve a hot date however it does involve me trying too hard to impress some dumb boy...so it's going to be told.

A few years back I was having everyone over for my birthday. I found this 1950’s wedding dress and totally “Betsy’s Wedding-ed” the shit out of it...so I was lookin’ good...real good. I bedazzled the apartment and lit a few tea-lights; the place was looking hot to trot. Guests start arriving (including the dude I was trying to seduce) and we were all havin' a swell time. The party's in full force and everyone’s slightly intoxicated. I’m in the middle of what seems to be the funniest story I’ve EVER told and then...

(Sniffs Sniff Sniff) "Do you....do ya smell something? I think I smell something burning!"

Low and behold it turns out to be my ass that has caught a-blaze! I had successfully "backed that thing up" into the flaming candles.

I begin running around the house screaming “I’m on FIRE!!!!” while the rest of the party began yelling “Stop, drop, and roll!!!!”

Do I?.....of course not....Why?....I choose comedy over life; it was much funnier to run around my house shouting, “My biscuits are burning! My biscuits are burning!”

Then out of nowhere I feel this force like no other throw me to the floor! This force turns out to be the foot of my roommate.

Thank God for him.

He kicked my ass. He kicked my ass until the fire was no more.

Without him I would have been just another victim of a candle lit birthday gone horribly wrong. My life could have possibly even ended on that birthday but I was not going down without a laugh.

In the end, I totally smooched the boy I was after. My 1950's dress was smelling like burnt plastic for the rest of the evening and my ruffle butt undies proudly made a guest appearance for all to see.

Funny enough...this was only one of the four times I've accidentally set myself on fire.