go bold or go home

I actually met someone on the train this week.

(Scenario)
We catch eyes. We smile.
Repeat.
I typed "call me, xxx-xxx-xxxx" on my phone, tapped him on the shoulder and held it up.
With a smirk and a nod, he clicked at his phone.

A short while later I was walking into work when I got a text, "This is _______, that was ballsy. What made you do it?" I replied, "It was a 'just do it' moment"

Around lunchtime he calls to tell me that he has a girlfriend, who lives with him but his intrigue was too strong to ignore me. He was excited that something 'interesting' had happened.

Later in the week, he met me on the train platform, with coffee. Kinda sweet. I have this strange, totally platonic breed of adultry going on, it's called 'the train date'.

new era

Sorry readers! My portion of the blog has been on hiatus.
The majority of the missing time was spent in a brief but wonderful love story, a subsequent shattered heart, followed by a super fun stint with the most colorful village bicycle on this side of town.

I've been both brazen and a hussy since May.
Lessons have been learned and here I am, more jaded, more guarded, and more emotionally unavailable than ever before.

The two most important things I learned:
1. Don't fuck your friend's ex
2. Don't fuck your readers

This begins the 'go bold or go home' initiative where I take life, men, and my projects by the balls.
Anyone in the mood to be spanked? I just waxed my paddle.

Indeed

Seasonal Internship Position Available

The Brazen Hussies are currently accepting applications for fourth quarter boyfriends. Please review the requirements listed below. Those who do not meet the majority of these requirements need not apply.

1. Please be up to date on all of your shots
2. Must have bachelors degree or higher (PhD preferred)
3. Self starter, highly motivated with an excellent credit history
4. Must be able to clean up after himself
5. Must look glorious in a three piece suit
6. Witty bantering skills (70 wpm. No mumblers)
7. Must bathe regularly (with soap- we can't emphasize that enough)
8. Must have full-time job and be willing to pay for a meal once in a while
9. No children from previous relationships (no exceptions)
10. No criminal history
11. Must be skilled in the art of mingling
12. Please be able to handle your booze responsibly
13. Fix-it men are a plus
14. Should be willing to make the first move (and it better be a damn good one)


Please note that this is an unpaid internship lasting Fall to Winter of 2010, with the possibility of becoming a full-time position in the future. Availability of at least 25 hours a week is a must (generally after the hours of 5pm).

Benefits included: home cooked meals, endless supplies of cuddles, handmade scarves, intelligent conversation, and lots of chandelier swinging sex

Please submit resumes and photos (preferably nude) to:
itllbebetternexttime@gmail.com

We look forward to hearing from you.

I couldn't even go 3 days

Got caught at the airport the other day with my dildo.

The TSA woman asks,"what's this?" while gesturing the curve shape of the toy with her hand.
me: a dildo ma'am

her: a what?

me: a DILdoooh ma'am

her: ???

me: a sex toy!

her: step this way ma'am

Man standing next to me makes an awkward look of disgust and shakes his head.

She proceeds to pull me aside and with gloved hands begins to dig through my bag. It was at the bottom and she took her time. When she got to it, she pulled it out and asked, "this???"

me: yes ma'am, that's it

her: (to the other ladies she works with) Have you ever seen anything like this?

Lady 1: What isssss that?

Lady 2: How would you use it?

me: FML

They put it though the xray machine a few times, taking turns pulling it back out and squealing. Mothers in line were covering their children's eyes, everyone staring at me. I tied my shoe.

The TSA agent comes back, holding it at shoulder height, away from her body with two fingers - I was allowed to put it back in my bag. If it wasn't stainless steel and able to be boiled, I think I would've thrown it out.

However, this won't stop me from bringing it again. I'd rather become a pro at embarrassment.

you know you're a hussy when

You're talking to a friend about a past lover, and come to the realization that one of their past lovers and one of your past lovers, have also been lovers.

A poor young lady was dating the professor and fell for him.
Meanwhile, I'm seeing the professor in a different capacity.

She really started to like him at a Cubs game.
I turned down attending that same Cubs game first.

She didn't want to have sex with him because when she does have sex with men, they typically don't call her again. The professor was no different and their time together was over after the third date.

I found out from my friend that as it turns out, this poor young lady happens to have a hairy ass. Like, really hairy.

We all know why the men don't call back. The question is, why hasn't she figured that out?

Rear Window

I'm beginning to suspect that my neighbors think I'm a total slut.

They always seem to be "gardening" or "barbecuing" when I have my guy friends over to hang out.

For all they know, these "guy friends" could be gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

Am I schtupping these guys?

....Of coarse....don't be silly.

Do I care what the neighbors think of me?

....not really, but it would be nice if they could go in their houses for a change. There's only so much gardening and barbecuing a person can do in a week.....and I'm pretty sure that they're putting in overtime just to see who I'll bring home next.

Thank God for curtains!