High School

Back story:

I knew a guy in high school. Let's call him Bob. He and I were both sarcastic to the point of no return. We acted like we hated everything about one another. Of coarse we all know that, in high school, that's code for "I'm totally in love with you".
Anywho... Junior year, I asked him to the turnabout dance. He accepts. We act like fools all night long. I might have accidentally gotten our entire party lost in the city of Chicago while attempting to go out to eat at some overpriced restaurant that night. Everyone seemed eager to bitch about it. I, on the other hand, found it to be quite a fun adventure.
At the end of the night we all head back to my house for a slumber party. Girls only. But before that occurred, Bob and I had a moment to ourselves, to chat about the night.
He was a funny guy, but there was nothing funny about him telling me that he basically had an awful time. Which is what happened. Now, granted...he was sarcastic...but I wouldn't think that sarcasm would be appropriate for that moment. He then proceeded to go in for a kiss. I turned away. I'm certain that I pissed him off. I didn't care. He pissed me off.

Fast forward 10 years:

I didn't go to my high school reunion. I didn't give a shit. I hang out with the people that I want to hang out with from high school. I'm Facebook friends with the rest. One of those Facebook friends includes Bob. We had been friends on the site for as long as it's existed. The sassy past was water under the bridge and we didn't talk much. He had some swanky job and bought himself a house out in the middle of nowhere. If it weren't for the distance, I would have considered hanging out with him again. But no.
All the meanwhile, I'm on a shitty dating site and I stumble across.....(you guessed it)....Bob's profile. He immediately sends me a message, calling me a stalker. I can see that times haven't changed much. We proceed to be jerks in love with one another. So we chat about hanging out. I tell him to come to the city. He tells me to come to the middle of nowhere. I win and he winds up in the city.
We hung out for about 4 hours. Just chatting about high school and laughing our asses off about how ridiculous we were....and still are. It was swell to see him. There was nothing lovey dovey. So I immediately had the thought, "It's cool. We are friends. He doesn't like me like that anymore. I've become a mini water buffalo. I get it. No worries. No concerns. Moving on."
The end of the night went as expected. I asked if he comes to the city often. He said no. Cool. He then says, "See ya in another 10 years." (hysterical)


One week later:

I...might...have...

Well...ya see....

I get a text at 7pm from Bob...

...and although he said he was not EVER in the city, he happened to be...again...

...so he asks if I want to hang out....

(Duh)

So he comes over.... and we have a really fun/ hilarious time (per usual)....

...and then he brings up the turnabout dance that ended awkwardly....

...and then he basically hints at wanting to try that over again....

...and then I tell him that I think he's funny.

...and then he tells me, "I'm going to lick your face." (I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.)

Then he does so.

Which then leads to a very awesome makeout session.

During which, he says, "Be honest. How long have you been waiting for this?"

To which I reply, "I fucking hate you, Bob."

So he laughs out loud and I interrupt to say....."I'm sorry. I meant to say.....about three hours."

He said, "Shut up. You mean 10 years."

Hahahahaaaaa

So then I proceed to be funny and I asked him when he's moving in with me.

He says, "I can hear the truth in your sarcasm."
(silence)
"I can't move here. I have to be closer to work. You need to move in with me out in the burbs. The dogs will love the yard."

GAH! No! THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!! No no no no no


..........and NOW I'm sitting at work thinking about how awful it would be to have a relationship with someone who lives in the super far fuckin' suburbs .....and how terrible the Metra ride would be.......

.....and how I might be completely willing to consider it because I have loved/hated Bob since high school and want to have his Polish/ Italian/ Mexican babies!

Just murder me.