The Brazen Hussies are currently accepting applications for fourth quarter boyfriends. Please review the requirements listed below. Those who do not meet the majority of these requirements need not apply.
1. Please be up to date on all of your shots
2. Must have bachelors degree or higher (PhD preferred)
3. Self starter, highly motivated with an excellent credit history
4. Must be able to clean up after himself
5. Must look glorious in a three piece suit
6. Witty bantering skills (70 wpm. No mumblers)
7. Must bathe regularly (with soap- we can't emphasize that enough)
8. Must have full-time job and be willing to pay for a meal once in a while
9. No children from previous relationships (no exceptions)
10. No criminal history
11. Must be skilled in the art of mingling
12. Please be able to handle your booze responsibly
13. Fix-it men are a plus
14. Should be willing to make the first move (and it better be a damn good one)
Please note that this is an unpaid internship lasting Fall to Winter of 2010, with the possibility of becoming a full-time position in the future. Availability of at least 25 hours a week is a must (generally after the hours of 5pm).
Benefits included: home cooked meals, endless supplies of cuddles, handmade scarves, intelligent conversation, and lots of chandelier swinging sex
Please submit resumes and photos (preferably nude) to:
itllbebetternexttime@gmail.com
We look forward to hearing from you.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I couldn't even go 3 days
Got caught at the airport the other day with my dildo.
The TSA woman asks,"what's this?" while gesturing the curve shape of the toy with her hand.
me: a dildo ma'am
her: a what?
me: a DILdoooh ma'am
her: ???
me: a sex toy!
her: step this way ma'am
Man standing next to me makes an awkward look of disgust and shakes his head.
She proceeds to pull me aside and with gloved hands begins to dig through my bag. It was at the bottom and she took her time. When she got to it, she pulled it out and asked, "this???"
me: yes ma'am, that's it
her: (to the other ladies she works with) Have you ever seen anything like this?
Lady 1: What isssss that?
Lady 2: How would you use it?
me: FML
They put it though the xray machine a few times, taking turns pulling it back out and squealing. Mothers in line were covering their children's eyes, everyone staring at me. I tied my shoe.
The TSA agent comes back, holding it at shoulder height, away from her body with two fingers - I was allowed to put it back in my bag. If it wasn't stainless steel and able to be boiled, I think I would've thrown it out.
However, this won't stop me from bringing it again. I'd rather become a pro at embarrassment.
The TSA woman asks,"what's this?" while gesturing the curve shape of the toy with her hand.
me: a dildo ma'am
her: a what?
me: a DILdoooh ma'am
her: ???
me: a sex toy!
her: step this way ma'am
Man standing next to me makes an awkward look of disgust and shakes his head.
She proceeds to pull me aside and with gloved hands begins to dig through my bag. It was at the bottom and she took her time. When she got to it, she pulled it out and asked, "this???"
me: yes ma'am, that's it
her: (to the other ladies she works with) Have you ever seen anything like this?
Lady 1: What isssss that?
Lady 2: How would you use it?
me: FML
They put it though the xray machine a few times, taking turns pulling it back out and squealing. Mothers in line were covering their children's eyes, everyone staring at me. I tied my shoe.
The TSA agent comes back, holding it at shoulder height, away from her body with two fingers - I was allowed to put it back in my bag. If it wasn't stainless steel and able to be boiled, I think I would've thrown it out.
However, this won't stop me from bringing it again. I'd rather become a pro at embarrassment.
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