I’ve got a best “dude” friend. We’ve never smooched. We’ve never been secretly in love with each other. We’ve just been good friends. Not exciting, right? Our major bond is tied to the fact that we’re both single and have outrageous dating stories. Horrible dating stories! On occasion I feel that our dialogue is sitcom worthy.
Dude (friend): You should date Bob.
Me: He's okay. I think he might be an alcoholic though.
Dude: I think he likes you.
Me: So make it happen.
Dude: Well...he did have too much to drink the other day and asked me if I wanted to come over to his place.
Me: .....to drink?
Dude: No! That was the thing! We got all the way over to his house and he goes 'Oh I don't have any alcohol'. So what the hell were we going to his house for?!
Me: He wanted to put it in your butt.
Dude: What?!
Me: Totally wanted to put it in your butt.
Dude: I mean....I guess he has some gay tendencies from time to time.
Me: Right up the butt.
Dude: He told me to sleep on his couch.
Me: I'm surprised he didn't tell you to get in his bed.
Dude: Stop it!
Me: Well...it looks like I'm never gonna allow you to fix me up with any of your friends from now on.
Dude: What? Why?
Me: Well if you don't have the gaydar to weed out the flames, then I'm just gonna end up in the same situation that I'm always in! You know the gays love me!
Dude: I guess you're right.
Me: I am. I'm always right. I'm Italian.
Dude: I hate you.
Me: I love you.
Dude: I love you too.
Me: I know.
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